My LEEP of Faith

This past Wednesday I had my two-week-long awaited LEEP procedure. Going into the procedure I thought I knew all there was to know, in terms of what to expect. Most women shared their experiences on forums, stating that it was not as painful as the colposcopy, and that they resumed work after the procedure. Let me tell you, that was NOT my personal experience. For the sake of being honest, I want to warn you that my story may be slightly graphic at times.

The week before the procedure I was filled with anxiety, and anticipation. I knew I wanted someone to go with me, but my first thought wasn’t to invite my husband. The weekend before the procedure he offered to go with me, and with slight hesitation I agreed to it. In my mind, inviting him was an inconvenience for him, and a discomfort for me. When all was said and done, I wouldn’t have wanted anyone else by my side. We got up early on Wednesday so I could get my Starbucks venti iced coffee (don’t judge!). Traffic was a breeze, aside from a minor construction detour, and we found parking right away. This being my OBGYN’s second office, and not the one I typically go to, it was a million-miles away from the quaintness of his Beverly Hills office. I walked into the waiting room, that was filled with other patients. By my observations, I would assume many of them are on the same government-assisted Fampact that I am on. We waited an hour, and in this “clinic” setting I wasn’t terribly surprised. When I was finally called in, I waited in an ultrasound room, to be taken to where the LEEP procedure would be performed. The room was clean, though I noticed the vintage baby blue exam room bed with stirrups, has seen it’s fair share. I spotted a dead cockroach under the sink, and tried to hide my….disgust. I know it must seem like I’m visiting a back-alley clinic of some sort, but to be honest most clinics are like this very one. I know, because I have been uninsured for several years now. They are underfunded women’s health clinics, that are run down from years of service. Yet their existence is crucial, no matter how they may look, or even smell. This place was the Ritz compared to others I’ve seen!

I was called into the LEEP room, and proceeded with the usual “from the waist down”. The nurse, and doctor both came into the room. The doctor reiterated that “we are going to do the LEEP procedure, because you have no children yet, and having them after this shouldn’t be a problem”. I assume he was referring to what I had told him about wanting a family, and having a procedure that would not affect that. Seeing as there are more drastic options when CIN II/III is involved. The nurse knows my sister as well, and asked questions about my new nephew. If it wasn’t for that light conversation, I might have really started to panic. I was told I would be getting a shot of local anesthetic to my cervix, and I would feel a pinch. It was more like a stinging sensation, and a painful one at that! I felt my heart start to race, and I became light-headed. I calmed myself by looking at the posters around the room. Posters of vaginas, and cervixes, and diagrams of pregnant bellies. Then I heard him turn on the machine, that would then cauterise the abnormal tissue. It was a strange sensation to feel the heat, but not feel the pain. Then, OUCH. He grazed the outside, the part that most certainly did not get anesthetized. Can we say, “curling iron burn”? Ladies, you know what I mean. He apologized, and carried on. Then he asked for the scissors. GULP, scissors? He proceeded to cut off the remaining tissue, and put it into a specimen cup. I must have looked curious, because he told the nurse she could show me. In my mind it looked like my whole cervix had been just removed, and put into a cup. In actuality, it was just the very end of my cervix, that contained the abnormal cells. Just like that the procedure was finished, and I was told we would wait for the biopsy results to confirm clear margins. Once the doctor and nurse left the room so I could get dressed, I was grateful to not feel any residual pain. As I was setting up the follow-up appointment, they asked if I needed anything for pain. Like a champ, I said, “no, I feel fine”. BIG mistake.

We got into the car, and it was as though I could feel the local anesthetic wearing off. I started to feel a throbbing sensation, very different from menstrual cramps. The pain and lack of breakfast, brought on pretty bad nausea. The whole car ride home I could not find a comfortable position to sit in, and every bump on the road was my enemy. With my husband nervously watching me in pain, he was able to get me a prescription for pain medicine. I just wanted to be home! I have NEVER ran quicker to my front door, got into the house, and filled up my hot water bottle. Laying on the couch, my husband finagled his way into being able to pick up my prescription without my physical presence. Which would’ve been my undoing! The pain medicine made me very drowsy, yet I could not fall asleep, so I spent my day watching hours of Call the Midwife on Netflix (Thank you Netflix!). The whole day I just kept thinking, “Out patient procedure they said?”, “Go back to work afterwards they said?”. Yeah right.

Needless to say, I survived. The cramps have come back to visit today, even though I felt pretty good yesterday. I’m glad to be sitting down at work, it forces me to relax. Doctors orders requires abstaining, and a follow-up in four weeks. I am hoping that the biopsy results will come in two weeks, and that the margins are clear of any more abnormal cells. I will go in for another pap smear in six months, and every six months until my pap smears are clear. I truly believe it was divine intervention that we found this when we did, and I have faith that the LEEP procedure will have been successful. I know now that I must take better care of myself, and that has included (amongst other things) adding Vitamin B12, Vitamin C, Vitamin D w/ Calcium, Vitamin E and Folic acid to my daily intake. However, there is one thing…I won’t give up the Starbucks venti iced coffee, just yet.

UPDATE 11.21.13

Went into the doctor today, with a suspected infection. There was a mild bacterial infection, as well as a bladder infection. Treating both with antibiotics, as we speak! I also received my results from the LEEP procedure. They confirm a CIN III diagnosis, with HPV cytopathic effect, and endocervical glandular involvement. However, THE MARGINS ARE CLEAR! That means, I will go in for a pap smear in 6 months. With the LEEP procedure, I still have a 10%-15% possibility of recurrence of CIN II/CIN III within 2 years. With that being said, I am praying for continued healing, and I am promising to be vigilant. Today my OBGYN asked me how my sister and her baby were doing, then he went on to ask me, “when is it your turn?”. I just laughed, and asked him jokingly, “I don’t know! you tell me?”. I take that as a good sign 🙂

Stage 0 C-word

Where do I begin? I have stage 0 cervical cancer, also known as carcinoma in situ, also known as cervical intraepithelial neoplasia II, and cervical intraepithelial neoplasia III, also known as precancer. Last week started out not like any other, with my not-so-annual pap smear, with my last one four years previous. For the last year, what I truly believe is none other than Him, I felt the urgency to get up the courage to go. My last pap smear was in 2009, for what I felt was a good enough reason. A. I was terrified, and B. I was terrified of something being wrong. My first and last pap smear was most likely no different from any other. I had a very nice male doctor, a female nurse was present the whole time, and yet it was traumatic for me. Given my personal history, this may not come as a surprise, and I had not come to terms with it until now.

When I walked into Planned Parenthood last week, I felt a weight lifted off my shoulders that I was finally facing one of my biggest fears. When I saw that it was a female doctor, I could almost feel the extra pep in my step! Phew. The usual “opening ceremony” happened, the “main event”, and then the doctor gave me great news. “Everything looks great, normal”. Phew. The usual “We’ll call you in 2-3 weeks, and if you don’t hear from us, everything is fine”.

I went through the rest of my week without a second thought, I truly felt like I had dodged a major bullet. Saturday morning rolled around, and as we debated about where we would go for breakfast, I let a call go to voice mail. I never listen to voice mail. REPEAT. Never. “Hello, this is so-and-so from Planned Parenthood, please call me back at blah-blah so we can discuss your results”. I must have listened to the message a million times to just catch the phone number, and to get over the initial shock. I got the bright idea to dial the 1800-number with the only part of the number I could understand; the extension. It rang, and she picked up. She said that my results were abnormal, and that I would need to come in for a colposcopy and biopsy. However, the earliest appointment available would be November 14th, but beggars can’t be choosers. Oh the plight of the uninsured. I think at some point I stopped listening, or had tunnel vision, or selective hearing. I didn’t even think to ask questions, and then I cried a little. How could I be so stupid? Why did I avoid it for so long? I’m only 26!

After sounding the alarms to my family, they unanimously agreed I could not wait the two weeks for the procedure. It was decided, I would see another OBGYN on Tuesday for the procedure, and a second opinion. If you know me, then you know the detective in me would not be satisfied until I understood everything I could about the results. Then it occurred to me, “Well what exactly did my results say?”. I called Planned Parenthood, and asked for the specifics, stupid me. I decided to do it on my lunch break, with ready access to Google. She said, “You have HSIL, High grade squamous intraepithelial lesion.” My search became frantic, with the name alone causing panic. However, I was still missing an important part of the diagnosis. It wasn’t until I picked up the hard copy of my results, that I discovered that CIN II and CIN III were present. Knowing what I knew from my extensive Google research, I knew that meant moderate to severe cervical dysplasia. When I told the nurse that I would be taking my results to another doctor, she let out a sigh of relief, and commended me for going much sooner than my Planned Parenthood appointment; very telling.

After tons of reassuring comments, anecdotes, and the like I went into my appointment with less fear, and more determination. Tuesday morning, also known as today, I was able to get the colposcopy and biopsy. Without insurance, the procedure would run up to $1,000, however my Fampact covered it. I also know that upon viewing my Planned Parenthood results, the doctor must have known the severity of my situation, and praise God performed the procedure. He calmly explained the procedure, and what CIN II and CIN III meant. I didn’t want to tell him that I had practically taken a weekend crash-course, and I knew all there was to know, as far as the internet is concerned. The procedure was relatively quick, and as painful as a pap smear, if not slightly more. When all was said and done, he reassured me that “It looks like it is just CIN III, and nothing more”. I struggled with the fact that he included the word “just”, I also struggled with the fact that he confirmed that I have the most severe grade of precancerous cells. “This is the step below cancer”, he said. We decided that the Loop Electrosurgical Excision Procedure LEEP  would follow the biopsy results, and it would be scheduled for November 13th. To think, I would have 3 screening/treatment procedures, before the two weeks I would have had to wait to get in at Planned Parenthood!

After leaving the doctor, I received calls and texts of congratulations. “Congratulations, you don’t have cancer”. Yes it is true, I do not have cancer, I have precancer. That if left untreated, could have become cancer. An abnormal pap smear, turned into stage 0 cancer, which turned into a LEEP procedure. It is highly effective, and one of the least invasive treatments, with a 80-95% success rate. This procedure is safe by most accounts, however does carry some risks of pregnancy complications. Stories of preterm delivery, narrowing of cervix, and reoccurring CIN II and CIN III. However, alternative studies have shown the necessity of the treatment of CIN, for those that want to become pregnant. Even with the possibilities looming, I have decided to push on forward. The reality is, I will not walk foolishly into the dark fearing, I will choose to walk in the light believing. The reality is, I will sit and worry for 10-14 more days until the biopsy results are in, and I will feverishly Google my results over and over again, until I accept that I already know all there is to know. That He will see me through this, and that I am not alone.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6

Friends, family, please be vigilant. We only have one beautiful cervix, that is capable of truly wonderful things, be kind to it.

UPDATE: 11.5.13

Spoke with the doctor this morning, and the biopsy results confirm, CIN II/III. We will move forward with the LEEP procedure. Very promising!